Present Past
by LachwenII
Summary: Dr. Doom turns Thor and Loki into kids. Tony wishes the world would just stop spinning.    Rated for Tony Stark's mouth & Loki's mind.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay, I think I made Loki crazier than Metisket's Crazy!Ed. Which is _scary_ (check out her LJ if you like FMA). I apologize, I know the story started out cute and all, but the non-kid Loki? Is apparently going to start out batshit insane. So consider this somewhere down the line from the Avengers movie, where Loki's not just breaking he's totally off his rocker (or, at least, that's the way he comes across to Tony). Rest assured, this _is _something of a fix-it fic. There WILL be a happy ending – I'm a firm believer in the whole "sometimes it just takes one person who truly cares" method of healing. But I also wanted to explore exactly how Loki and Thor got to that night on the bridge, and what kind of underlying issues might have been involved. Besides, Tony is snarky and fun to write, and Kid!Loki is just plain _interesting_. (I also confess to having read Bunny Slippers recently (another norsekink prompt). So that's where the footnotes have their birth. If you haven't yet checked it out, it's definitely worth a look).

*** Prologue: In Which Dr. Doom Targets Thor, and a Spell Goes Awry***

As reported by Tony Stark, Man of Iron and Maker of Pancakes1

Fighting Thor's brother is always the same, a nightmare and circus all wrapped into one enormous and entirely self-destructive package, moments of surprise and terror and almost-humor (because by now Tony's seen more than enough of death to know that, t-shirts to the contrary, it is _never_ something to laugh at) all rolled together until dizzy and with neither side entirely sure which part they were playing2. There are civilians in danger; the laws of physics (and, indeed, any laws at all) are all on extended holiday3_,_ and Tony really needs to _not _be stone-cold-sober to take that laugh.4 Dr. Doom is involved this time, which just makes things that much more full of extra crazy – not that anyone can _ever _say Loki doesn't bring his own, because he does and it comes in _spades_. (Tony is not actually sure that there has ever been enoughcrazy _in the_ _entire universe _to account for all the crazy that Loki brings to the table. In fact, he's got a pet theory that Loki must have another pocket dimension tucked away specifically _for_ storing all that extra insanity so the world doesn't, you know, actually _explode _from it).5

Also, there are robots. Tony's pretty sure Dr. Doom's normal doombots don't actually come in some of the colors and shapes these are sporting, though, so he's not even particularly surprised when a few of them start firing haddock instead of live charges. Because fish guts just make _everything_ that much more pleasant.6

Meanwhile, Loki and Thor are fighting. What this actually means in practice is that Loki and his clones are flitting tauntingly just out of Thor's reach, occasionally taking a break to pester7 one of the other players just in case they feel left out. It's still easy to tell which is the real one, because his eyes neverleave Thor's, and there's something there could have once (or still is) been love, but harder to categorize. It's a little like watching a zombie flick, only with the actors replaced by emotions8. At least, that's how he tried to explain it to Thor once. Thor didn't get it, maybe because his brother's not _actually _dead, only wishes he was – and Thor just doesn't understand those kind of things because he's only ever been in that place once and it's honestly never occurred to him that there might be any relevance9.

In any event, looking into Loki's eyes is something Tony tries his hardest not to do – first, because it means he's between Loki and Thor, and that means he's between Loki and one of the few people that still exists in whatever counts as reality on any given day. Which is, you know, not exactly the smartest place to be for a guy with a really delicate piece of machinery lodged in the middle of his damn chest, especially if that machinery happens to be all that's keeping him alive and on this side of the grave. He's not _entirely_ sure whether Loki's ever read the Necronomicon (or the Norse equivalent), but he's not interested in getting the chance to find out, so he tries to avoid getting between the two brothers when they're having at it. Secondly, because when he's fighting with Thor Loki never bothers to hide whatever of his soul is still left after whatever took him and shredded him into little stilettos of crazy so far off the tracks that even Tony – who is no stranger to crazy, he sees it in the mirror every day – can't follow him, and actually having to _see _that scares Tony almost as much as the inevitable laughter10.

Thor, meanwhile, is entirely focused on his little brother. And it would be almost sweet, except that the only way Thor knows how to deal with a problem is to smash it. Given that Loki's _already_ cracked, and that Thor doesn't truly want to hurt his brother (but seems to somehow figure that with a few broken limbs Loki will actually have to _sit still _long enough to be talked at11), this is more often than not an entirely useless exercise in frustration. Especially since Loki tends to design this time right into his plans, a sort of twisted family bonding experience that makes Tony _really _glad he's no relation to Odin even if he _does _think it would be kind of cool to have actual superpowers. In other words? What would normally be a pretty good distraction (because however many pounds of _angry Viking_ _God_ it is that make up their very own Lord of Thunder, Thor even by himself tends to be _slightly hard_ for even the most composed of villains to ignore completely) isn't really actually helping matters all that much.

Only today, it is (sort of). Apparently, Doom really isn't too thrilled with the changes to his doombots, because he's aiming something at Thor and doesn't seem at all concerned about his erstwhile ally12 being caught square in middle of the probable blast radius. Tony is actually sort of torn, because today he _seriously _wants Loki to shut the fuck up (as opposed to his normal "if I had just three wishes from a genie that would totally be one of them"). Loki seems worse than usual, despite the fact he may (or may not, this _is _Loki he's trying to quantify) have just tried to shove a giant elephant down Thor's trousers13. It could even be that it's an anniversary or something; Thor, too, seems a little off his game as he tries to talk to (at) his brother and Loki does his absolute best (which is very, very good when he knows his target as well as he does his brother) to be as infuriatingly awful as is physically possible14 even for the self-proclaimed God of Mischief. In any case, neither god is in any shape to notice what Doom's planning, and the accumulated fish guts are making it really hard for Tony to stay on his feet (since for some reason or another either Loki or Dr. Doom have managed to stall or hack his propulsion system, which went offline almost as soon as this whole mess began. He's been _trying_ to get to what he thinks (hopes) is the jamming device – which at least only seems to stop him from flying, so it could be that maybe they (Loki) just thought it would be more funny to watch him take on robots while covered in fish he can't dodge, but he's not getting his hopes up) long enough to make a difference. He's _so _changing the wiring when he gets home (unless it's magic. In which case, he may actually just be better off hoping Loki stays true to form and doesn't repeat the same trick twice).

Steve and Natasha are getting the civilians out (it's not a terribly hard job, despite the fish, as Loki has never actually been terribly keen one way or another on killing people. He puts them in danger because he knows it'll get the team (and therefore his brother)'s attention, and after that he doesn't really care one way or another what happens to them). Except for occasional kidnappings when some poor (or not-so-poor) idiot has something he needs, other people are generally entirely incidental to whatever it is he's actually trying to accomplish15. It makes him both better and worse than some of their other opponents – better, because there's a slightly lowered chance of mass casualties, worse because he's still perfectly capable of killing people if he thinks the team isn't taking him seriously. Hawkeye is trying for a clear shot, and is focused enough on the brothers that he hasn't noticed Dr. Doom either. (And, to be fair, Tony is supposed to be dealing with Doom. Except for the whole _can't fly_ thing going on and the fact Doom can teleport wherever he damn well pleases while Tony himself has to wade through the doombots just to get close enough to spit at him). Instead, Tony shouts, and Loki looks up just in time to snarl at Doom (Tony has to give Doom credit, he takes it well considering a similar incident that had made Tony exceptionally grateful for the in-suit catheter), and makes a gesture that ends with a *very* surprised frog before Doom counters the spell16 and teleports away for real. At which time Doom's abandoned device hits the floor and lets out a hiccup of energy that envelops the three of them. Tony's never actually _seen_ an _oh-shit_ look on Loki's face before, but if the rest of them weren't in the same boat he'd be treasuring it for _eternity__17_. As it is, he still savors for just a second past the time he can finally see again and again as he heads towards the fallen machine. He doesn't feel any different, so hopefully it was a misfire and they can all resume trying to kill each other in record time. With Doom gone, that effectively makes it his job to secure the tech and wait for Thor to finish up with his brother - either that, or they're all already dead. In which case? He is _so _going postal on Thor's ass18.

1 This last is written in a child's surprisingly academic scrawl. Given Tony Stark has absolutely no idea how to make pancakes, the meaning behind this is left up to the observer.

2 Or even if they were playing a part at all. Compared to how Loki generally treats his _allies_, being enemies with him is almost pleasant. Certainly safer. And given just what Loki likes to do to his enemies, that is saying something really quite scary indeed.

3 Probably somewhere a bit less life-threatening, like the Bermuda Triangle.

4 Although he'd never admit it, it is the laugh – and not what he's seen Loki do - that is what keeps Tony Stark awake at night, because _no one_ should sound like that. Not even world-destroying sociopaths with enough mojo to make 2+2 equal anything the hell they want – generally with fries and perhaps a few deep-fried unicorn tears just for laughs.

5Keeping in mind, Loki _likes_ explosions. But he likes an audience more - no darkness without light as the saying goes. Besides, darkness doesn't make _nearly_ as funny a face as the light does. And as much as he hates the sound of his own voice on some (all) days, laughter is really all he's got left and if it's a little twisted and warped he'll still cling to it as the last bastion of anything even approaching sanity left in the world. A/N: Everyone, but illusionists most of all, _need _reality. Or rather, at the end of the day they need even just one single thing that they can trust to ground them and upon which to trust their weight. To Loki, that was his family. Odin was an _idiot_.

6 It's one of the rules of the universe.

7 Like teasing, only with more knives.

8 In this case, love has most of his intestines clawed out onto the dirt and half an arm missing, and is in the middle of finishing off sanity's brains as the rest of Tony's mind runs into a corner and tries to hide before he throws up.

9 Yeah, Tony occasionally wants to smack him, too.

10 Maybe because in a way, it _is _the laugh. And despite all the upgrades he's managed on his suit, Tony's not yet figured out how to install earplugs for his eyes. Fly and shoot lasers, sure. Fighting blind on purpose, even with the best sensors in the world, is not going to happen no matter _what _tricks some of their villains can play on his poor vision. Given any sort of chance, if there ever does come a time for that oncoming train, he wants to _see _his death before he goes. Just a last little "fuck you" to the system, because he's _Tony Stark_ and he wants (needs) at least that much control in the matter.

11 The few times they've managed to do this, it has _never _been pretty. Loki is at least as good with words as he is with spells, and Thor's always come away bleeding in about a dozen new places and forgetting exactly what he was trying to do in the first place. A Loki trapped is a Loki _vicious_, because cages might be one of the few things he actually fears besides himself. Again, speculation only, because Tony might be curious but he's not stupid (despite what Pepper may think about the time with the spinach) and _nothing's_ worth getting up close and personal to that kind of hell. He can imagine just fine based on his own experiences, thank you very much. Loki is Tony with magic powers and with the remnants of his sanity resting entirely on his brother's wide but entirely obtuse shoulders. And _that_ is the reason Tony hates Loki's laughter so very, very much.

12 Entirely understandable, re: footnote the first.

13 Tony doesn't know why either. It just happens, sometimes.

14 This is incredibly well, as Loki doesn't even believe in the Laws of Physics. Or, maybe he does and it's just that they too have given up making even a token effort to stop him from breaking them anyway.

15 Whatever that is, Tony is pretty sure not even Loki himself knows know anymore.

16 Tony will have to plan a Talk with Thor about throwing his hammer and distracting Loki when he's actually doing something productive, for once, like _trying to set up a shield to stop whatever's about to come their way_. He's not sure it'll take, but he makes a habit of _trying _to teach Thor these kinds of things if only for his own peace of mind when the idiot finally does get himself killed (presuming he hasn't gotten the rest of them killed too).

17 Or until Loki invents brain-bleach. He really does have some of the strangest buttons.

18 It's a very nice ass. Tony is very fond of it. But let it never be said that Loki is not a jealous god, and while the Enchantress might enjoy her padded walls, Tony would prefer to stay just this side of the asylum and no further. So it's still one o the few things entirely off limits no matter _how _drunk he gets. A/N: I may be one of the few people who actually really didn't get a Thor/Loki vibe from the movie. So Loki's just jealous as a younger sibling, not as a rival. Sorry, I enjoy slash as much as the next person, but it's their family relationship I'm interested in here and they'll be kids for most of this fic, anyways. Also, I totally ship Loki/Tony or Loki/Darcy :P. Those two have the best shot of any of them at understanding his mind. Gen, this time, though!


	2. Chapter One

Part One: In Which Tony Gets a Headache and Sanity (Doesn't) Return

Tony is still heading towards Doom's current Weapon of the Week when the heap of clothes he's been assuming still houses the (semi) conscious Thor starts to stir. He's actually pretty relieved, given that even on a one of his good days1 Tony has absolutely _no _intentionof _ever_ taking on Loki on by his lonesome, even if (luckily) Loki too appears to be temporarily comatose2. This would be because Tony does not put it past Loki to accidentally-on-purpose disfigure him _while unconscious_. And the last time he tried to take Loki on with Hawkeye? They _both_ ended up hospitalized after Clint's bow turned into a goddamn _anaconda_3 and his own weapons turned out to shoot what Thor later identified as the Asguardian equivalent of fine champagne4. (That would actually be how Tony knows that fighting Loki while drunk is an even worse idea than fighting him5 while sober). Also, Loki sent them a gift basket6_._

In any event, Thor's one of the few people capable of going toe-to-toe with their favorite psycho7 and coming out (relatively8) unscathed, so Tony is very happy to note movement in the shiny clothes and go about his own business in the fervent hope that Loki is the one who took the brunt of whatever it was. Even if it did look like he might have tried to include Tony in his failed shield9. Which he's pretty sure he's imagined anyway, because _it's Loki_. Loki just doesn't _do_ nice10 – the very idea of it kind of makes Tony's world tilt a little and make funny noises (and maybe that's just the nausea from being flash blinded, but if it isn't then Tony will _hunt Doom down and _Sic Loki_ on Him_11. (Well, assuming Loki's survived and Tony's got no reason to think he hasn't given what it_ normally_ takes to even give the guy a pause)). But he's not actually stupid enough12 to turn his back on what will probably go back to being World War Whatever as soon as both parties reawaken. Keeping an eye on things might not _stop _Loki from stabbing him in the back if the voices tell him to, but at least Tony can _pretend_ he's a threat to be taken seriously13. (He has a secret plan to tell himself that often enough that one day he believes it, at which point he will do something totally amazing and actually punch Loki14. It will be _awesome_).

So he notices when Loki, too, begins to stir, and in the fit of panic that ensues, Tony tries desperately to pretend he's a wombat15 and wonders why Hawkeye hasn't taken a shot yet16. Again, against someone who probably thinks tangibility involves small orange fruit and the terrified tears of children, arrows are a minor annoyance at best – even those shot by Hawkeye, who can get arrows to places even Tony's state-of-the-art tracking devices think are impossible17. But if there are arrows being shot, at least Tony's not _alone_ – and that makes two targets, which might not be (much) better but at least it'll be more snarky. It also ups their chances of survival from Nil to Probably Just Serious Injury (Before Loki Sees a Butterfly and Wanders Off). After which he can yell at Thor for being a wimp, they can all go back to attempting to kill each other, and things will be just dandy. (Also, if Loki wakes up first and notices Thor's still out, well. Even Tony's not _that _vindictive, and he might seriously dislike Dr. Doom but he doesn't want to be (even a little) responsible for what Loki will do to the man while in that frame of mind). Discounting that, Loki's first reaction will still probably be to try and vaporize _everyone in the area_. So Tony will be dead, Dr. Doom will wish he was dead, and Tony will _still_ be responsible for haunting Thor's ass18.

Then Thor sits up, and Tony has to sit down because _ohs#$# _just happened19.

A short sanity-break later, he opens his eyes again. Unfortunately, the view has not changed. If anything, it's gotten _worse_, because now there's a teeny black-haired head poking out from Loki'sarmor as well. Not a baby's head, at least, which is a relief because Tony _does not do_ babies any more than he does décor20. No, the kid staring out from inside Loki's armor looks to be about nine, ten at the oldest. And even in his shocked state he has the capacity to notice that some things must just be genetic, because despite having to crawl out from under freaking _armor plating_ the kid's hair is barely mussed21. In complete contrast, the blond one now mostly out from under his own pile has hair that bears a striking resemblance to a drunken scarecrow, fearlessly striking out every which way in utter defiance of any form of order or common sense. Which is Thor all over, even in miniature - up to and including the total lack of concern where his own quite apparent nudity is concerned22. As he notes this, the kid looks over at him, which is when Tony realizes he's made a sound23. Given blondie's still clutching his hammer (now nearly half as big as he is, and isn't that just bloody _perfect_), Tony braces himself to duck. There's no recognition in those eyes, and if the kid decides he's a threat..

Of course, as Tony briefly forgot while his brain was in candy land, this _is _Thor, albeit the kiddy version. So instead of an attack, he gets a hearty grin and a big wave24. Then he's promptly ignored (which, while he's kind of used to it with Loki, doesn't exactly make his self esteem do any tricks), as the kid turns back and returns to helping dig his brother out of what remains of Loki's own armor. It's actually kind of cute, as long as Tony's just sitting there waiting for the other shoe25 to drop. Or, except that helping Loki escape (although it _is _funny watching him pinned by his own gear for once instead of the other way 'round) is _not _a good idea, right? And as soon as his legs work again, he should probably try to stop it. Just so he can say "I _told_ you so," or something, and not at _all _because he's scared of what Black Widow might do to him if she thinks he's been slacking off on the job. With that in mind, he's still trying to figure out where his feet are when the black haired bundle grunts impatiently (hey – was that an _actual emotional exclamation _from _Loki?)_, and the armor disappears26. Tony's _ohshit_ meter pings back, and he makes an aborted attempt to dive for cover before the magic starts flying for real, an act which only serves to further confuse all involved27.

Anyways, it looks like he needn't have worried about missiles, because the first two things the kid does with his newfound freedom is to smooth down his hair (still almost perfectly groomed, and Tony might even admit to being *slightly* jealous, somewhere really deep down) and conjure Thor some clothes, glaring at the older boy until the blonde begins to put on with a long suffering sigh and a pout28. And then Hawkeye announces his presence back in the land of the living by trying to shoot mini-Loki29. Only since Thor doesn't like his brother getting shot at so much even when he's obviously trying to kill them all with evil and malice aforethought while the proto-apocalypse he's summoned hovers threateningly in the background laughing at them all30, maybe it's not surprising that things kind of go a bit downhill from there.

1 No comments, Pepper.

2 Which really should have given Tony a clue. Because anything that can take down _either _of those two is either a) really bad news, or b) about to explode in his face and turn his hair purple.

3 It should be noted that Tony does not _like_ snakes. Even if they _do_ match his armor.

4 It was quite good, actually. If the associations involved hadn't scarred him for life, he'd totally be adding some to his own cellar for special occasions.

5 Okay, watching Thor fight him. Being in the same _vicinity _as Loki tends to be enough of a mindfuck to qualify (in Tony's opinion) for the Purple Heart. If, you know, Tony actually had a full heart anymore instead of the high-tech equivalent of a blinking electrical outlet.

6 Just beyond the sheer _weirdness _of the whole idea of getting gift basket from the guy who'd thrown you through several walls and gotten you completely smashed on your own weaponry, the contents of the gift basket might have been culturally appropriate in Asguard but Tony has never actually fancied severed skulls (which were most inoffensive of the contents) for his dining room decor. They totally clash with wallpaper, and if his brain didn't automatically short out in sheer terror at the thought of Loki actually knowinghow his home is decorated (Pepper. Totally Pepper, because he's a guy and he _does not do_ décor, got that?), he'd have automatically assumed that the objects in question were picked specifically for nefarious purpose.

Thor, under the impression that Loki was actually trying to be friendly, has point-blank refused to let Tony remove them. Since they appear to have glued themselves in place with whatever the magical equivalent of epoxy is, it's a moot point anyways and he's learned to deal.

7 Yes, the term is sociopath. Ask Tony if he cares.

8 Also, ask Loki if he's ever heard of relativity. The odds of him caring are _even less_.

9 Because Loki taking any sort of interest at all in _anything _outside of Thor? Is _bad news_. Tony's _seen_ what he does to Thor, who he actually seems to _like_ (for given values, up to and including attempted maiming and accidental dismemberment). And he knows for a _fact _that that sort of attention? Does not give him the fluffy bunnies.

10 With the (possible) exception of the gift basket. Although, if you survived the asking, Loki would tell you he really _is_ quite nice, usually. He even feeds stray kittens! With the severed heads of whoever tried to ally with him this time (re: an alliance with Loki is even crazier than going up against him straight out), granted. But still! He feeds _kittens_.

11 If there's one thing that makes Loki even more accidentally-on-purpose homicidal than he normally is, it's a threat (real or imagined, Tony's still not quite sure what set him off about the pineapples) to Thor. Tony's not sure he _wants _to know, but is pretty sure if he let himself think about it he'd figure it out, and then his brain would have to go to his Unhappy Place for a bit, so it's better to just avoid thinking about it altogether.

12 Shut up, Pepper.

13 Gar! I _Ironman_.

14 He actually has managed to land a hit or two on the god before. But this one will be _on his face_.

15 Because at least the word is funny, and hey, it's not like being a statue (or even shiny robot) impersonator has ever actually worked in the past – Loki makes insurance agents weepinto their early morning coffee and bourbon even when he's not actually _doing _anything.

16 He's still wishing he was out cold, trying to get his eyes back from wherever they've gone in protest (it might be Cambodia, but it could just as well be Anywhere But Here,, since archer eyesight does _not _deal kindly to sudden bright lights and/or sounds. Hawkeye is currently thinking nostalgically on the merits of being blind and/or normal. In fact, he could really quite frankly care less about Loki's return to consciousness, given the idea that at least if Loki kills him his eyes will _stop their sissy whining and get back to business)_.

17 Heh. Incidentally, Tony _has _occasionally wondered if Clint is any relation of Loki's. Right before his mind took another of those long blackouts because that would just be creepy and wrong and evil. Which, when you think about it, kind of means that with Loki it's a definite possibility.

18 Since Loki will probably atomize everything in the area and _then _check for vital signs. Because, you know, he's sweet like that.

19 Tony _likes_ to swear. This is perhaps one of the few times he's ever run out of words to swear by, because apparently there really are some things even a sailor can't do justice to.

20 The one time he tried was traumatic for all concerned. Enough that even Pepper has backed down from getting him to try _ever again_, with or without supervision.

21 He suspects that Pepper would _love_ to take those genetic markers and forcibly implant them into her boss. Well, except for the whole crazy!bit. Which is, actually, something of a relief - what do you know, Loki _is _good for something.

22 Loki does dignity. Thor does stripping. It makes Tony laugh inside, in the place where he's not usually crying in terror.

23 More like a high pitched mewling noise, but Hawkeye's still trying to find his stomach so if Tony says it was a _manly _high pitched mewling noise, there's no one to protest, right?

24 The only thing that keeps Thor safe from having his lunch money stolen on a regular basis is that he _looks _like he can take care of himself. At least, until he opens his mouth, at which point the other Avengers can step in and glower at all present until people get the picture and leave the poor guy alone.

25 Hopefully not attached to an ACME anvil. He has to get lucky at _some_ point, right? Right.

26 Tony is, at least, relieved to at least note that mini-Evil has conjured himself some clothes (re: Loki is dignified and Thor is a stripper). Some days you just gotta be thankful for the little things and not fighting a kiddy _and _naked version of his teammate's evil little brother has to count for _something _in his books.

27 Thor didn't notice, and Loki just thought the strange man was having an epileptic fit. Since that eliminated the need to keep him from possibly harming Thor until they could figure out where they were, it was a state of affairs he was actually pretty well in favor of.

28 He briefly entertains the idea that _this _was where their legendary rivalry began – with the shouted invective to "put some damn clothes on, already, you _idiot_!" (To be fair, he is currently grasping at straws to explain the whole situation as it is, and that makes his mind go funny places even on the best of days).

29 Under any other circumstances, Tony would buy him like fifty drinks for that. But given what happened next, it was _really _lucky that Hawkeye was still seeing spots, because if the arrow had done more than graze his brother, Thor might have killed them all and _then _been sorry about it. Or not, since he obviously kind of decided at that point that they were the bad guys and Thor of whatever age doesn't really get the whole distinction between people who shoot at his brother and people who are on his side _even when he knows the people in question really well_.

30 Tony's not sure which is worse – the apocalypses themselves or the fact that not a few of them have managed to out-snark him_._


End file.
